


Past Imperfect

by crysgen78



Series: Lifetimes [1]
Category: E.R., Early Edition
Genre: Angsty Schmoop, M/M, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-31
Updated: 2011-12-31
Packaged: 2017-10-28 13:21:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/308282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crysgen78/pseuds/crysgen78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gary and John find forgiveness for their (hence the title) past imperfections.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Past Imperfect

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first fic that I ever wrote and posted to the internet what seems like a lifetime ago (1999 - yikes!). It was what I wrote when I realized I wasn't a freak for thinking that two males characters looked cute together and should hook up. For that reason alone, it holds a special place in my heart. I could probably go back and edit it to make it better, but that would change my feelings about the fic itself, and I'd rather keep my memory of it and have it out there general sappiness and improbability and all.

He was running down the street. Well, not exactly running, streaking was more like it. He put everything into making it down one street, turning down another, barely able to stop from knocking over the few people who were out at this hour. He looked at his watch; he was going to be late, he just knew it. Then he saw County General up ahead. He didn’t slow down for a second; he was flying through the entrance to witness the horror going on in there. He saw everyone in a flurry of activity as the two bodies were being wheeled by on gurneys amidst so much blood. It seemed like every doctor was working on those two people.

“Excuse me,” Gary said to someone walking past, “but what happened here?” He already knew the answer though; he just wasn’t ready to admit it to himself.

The girl just looked straight through him with glassy eyes and said, “They were stabbed.” She walked directly away from him.

Gary let a sighed, “Oh,” escape. He pulled out the paper from his back pocket absent-mindedly, and looked at the headline, willing it to go away anyway. “Two Doctors Stabbed at County General.” He then read the first couple of lines, praying to any God that they had changed from this morning, but apparently God had turned deaf. “Two doctors were brutally attacked last night at County. One, Dr. Lucy Knight, and medical student died early this morning from complications arising from her wounds. The other, Dr. John Carter remains in critical condition.....” The article went on, but Gary was no longer reading it.

There was so much activity around him, that no one stopped to notice the dark haired man, holding a newspaper, with tears still streaming down his face, whispering “Oh my God, I was too late.”

Gary woke up with a start. He groaned. He’d been having that dream for a year now. He couldn’t forgive himself for being late. No matter if the other child would have run away from home, or that he couldn’t find a taxi, or a cop, or anything on his way across town back to the hospital. He’d torn muscle on his run there. He’d barely been able to move afterward, but he’d pushed himself anyway. He couldn’t let anyone else down, he told himself. That girl had died because of him, and the other doctor had gone through God only knows what. Gary couldn’t make himself see the guy once he knew he was going to live. He felt too guilty. ’I should’ve been there,’ he thought piteously. He groaned again when he looked at the clock by his bed. The paper would be here soon. He might as well get up. He sat up rubbing his face, knowing what day it was. He’d go to her grave today. It wasn’t like he hadn’t gone before, in fact, he’d been so many times that he’d lost count. But today was the anniversary of her death. One whole year had passed, and Lucy Knight was still dead. A few stray tears slipped down his face. He wiped them away. “I will not cry,” he said to the empty room. Just then there was a thud with an all too familiar cat meowing. He got up, opened the door, the cat brushed by him, rubbing his leg gently as it moved into the room as he bent to pick up the paper. Not too much to do, as he read the headlines. A small fender bender, and stop a little old lady from falling down some stairs so she didn’t break a hip. That was it, not bad really. Nothing he couldn’t handle. No one would die at least if....’No,’ he told himself, ’no one else will suffer because I’m late.’

He showered, dressed and was downstairs at the bar having some coffee when Marissa walked in with Spike. “Hey, Gary,” he heard her soft voice say.

“Morning, Marissa,” he said as she was led by her dog to where he was sitting. She sat down putting her bag on the counter, and set her cane down, absent-mindedly stroking Spike’s head. She knew what today was as well, and knew also how much Gary still blamed himself, no matter how much reason she tried to push his way. He was still torturing himself, and it was beginning to show. He’d lost weight in this year, and progressively looked more haggard with the lack of any real sleep. Even a visit from his mother and father had not really done anything to get him out of his depression. They’d left, knowing that they really hadn’t helped their son.

“So,” she said trying to make her voice as light as possible, “what does the paper have for you to do today?”

“Not much,” he said. He knew Marissa was worried about him. He knew his parents were worried about him. Hell, even Chuck had called, trying to see if he was okay. “It’s really pretty light, but I have some other stuff to do today,” he added knowing Marissa would know what ‘other stuff’ meant and wouldn’t make him clarify.

Meanwhile, across town sitting outside in a cemetery, John Carter puffed on a cigarette. He rubbed his hands together. It was still cold in Chicago, and he’d forgotten his gloves. He wasn’t on at the hospital today. He guessed they thought they were doing him a favor by not having him there on the day that Lucy died. It was torture nonetheless. He almost wished he was working, at least then he might be able to forget for a little while. Forget the pain of losing Lucy, forget the pain his wound still caused him, forget how much he just wanted to drown in a sea of pain killers. ‘No, don’t start thinking like that,’ thought John. He knew it would be too easy to start using again. Especially if he gave in today. So he just sat there, pulling his coat a little closer to him, trying to keep out the cold. He began to talk out loud to Lucy, explaining how sorry he was that she was dead, and that he was still alive. He hoped that wherever she was, she forgave him. Now, if he could just forgive himself. He sat there for hours, not even knowing how much time had passed when he saw a dark haired man making his way through the graveyard with a bouquet of flowers. The man was handsome, with smooth pale skin, dark eyes, well built, if just a little too thin at the moment. He looked so sad, John’s heart almost broke for him, and then he realized that the guy was walking straight for him. He stood up, nervously flicking the cigarette to the ground, and crushing it out with his foot. The guy just came to stand in front of Lucy’s grave, put the flowers down, and then looked at John. The guy just stood there awkwardly, for a moment, and then John thought he saw recognition light in the his eyes, and a pained expression came across his handsome face. “Did you know Lucy,” John asked almost desperately, trying to get this apparition to talk, anything to get that look off his face.

The guy fidgeted from foot to foot, and shook his head no, while his eyes looked down on the ground.

“Then why are you here,” John asked in a barely audible whisper. Why wouldn’t this guy look at him, let alone speak? He had to hear his voice. ‘But why,’ a voice in his head asked, ‘why do you have to torture this man, and yourself? Just reach out to him. He needs you as much as you need him. You’ll see.’ John pushed the aberrant thought aside. He shouldn’t think such things of any man, let alone of a stranger.

“I read the article when she was killed last year,” the guy said, startling John so bad he jumped. “Sorry,” said the guy, “I should go.”

“No, wait!” John shouted as he watched the guy hurry away from him. He almost ran right into the guy trying to catch up to him. Once he caught up with him, “I’m John Carter.”

“I know,” said the guy with a very dark look crossing his face. “I was too late, I’m sorry.” He once again turned away from John.

Carter was confused, ’what in the world did that mean?’ he thought to himself. ’Late? Late for what?’ “Hey, wait!” He shouted for a second time to the once again retreating form. “You didn’t tell me your name,” he said once he’d bridged the short distance between them.

“Gary Hobson,” said the guy.

“Well, Gary Hobson,” said John Carter, “I’m freezing out here, and I’ve just elected you to buy me coffee, and keep me company.” He tried the most disarming smile he had.   
Gary just looked at him for a moment. Then smiled back, not a real smile, but at least it was different than the pain John had seen there. He wasn’t sure what caused him so much hurt, but John didn’t like it marring Gary’s features like it did.

“All right,” said Gary, turning to lead the way to a nearby coffee house.

Gary had noticed the young man sitting next to Lucy’s grave a little too late. He was already upon him before he realized that it was the same guy that was stabbed that Valentine’s night as well. Well, he couldn’t just pretend that he was going somewhere else. He’d already been spotted, and his walk had been so purposeful as to leave any doubt as to this being his correct destination. *Of course it’s my destination,* he thought bitterly, *I’m here almost every day trying to atone.* He pulled the dried flowers he’d left in the vase that was attached to the tombstone out. He’d left those earlier in the week, and put the fresh bouquet he was holding in his hand into it. The other man was watching him intently, trying to discern who he was and why he was there. Gary turned to go, but he stopped when the young man asked him if he knew Lucy. He shook his head, and said no. This confused his companion, so he said something about reading the article in the newspaper. It slipped out before he could think about it, but the young man of course didn’t understand the background of this statement, so he just let him think that he’d read it in the paper after the fact. It seemed true enough. The story of two doctors savagely attacked by a schizophrenic patient was a big story. Especially when those doctors were so young, and so attractive, thought Gary as he looked at the young man. Disgusted with the turn his thoughts seemed to take, he turned to go again, and yet again, he was stopped when the young man asked his name. They introduced themselves properly, and Gary found he couldn’t quite look away from this man named John Carter. He sighed inwardly, wanting nothing more than to wallow alone in his despair, but John seemed to have other plans. The doctor invited himself out at Gary’s expense to get coffee. Gary almost smiled. He liked this guy, maybe a little too much, and a lot too soon. *Let’s not forget,* Gary admonished himself, *this guy almost died because of you, and his friend did die.* That was all it took for the budding good feeling in Gary’s chest to evaporate. He led John to a local coffee shop feeling more miserable than ever. They sat a bit awkwardly at the table, neither knowing what to say, sipping on some pretty decent coffee. The coffee was enough to make Gary realize that he hadn’t eaten anything that day, and his stomach realized it, too. In fact, it made itself and its protest at being neglected rather loudly. John looked up sharply at hearing his stomach growl, and actually started to laugh. Gary thought he wanted to crawl under the table and die of embarrassment, but looking at John laughing his head off left him little option but to join in the glee. He laughed until his sides hurt and tears rolled down the sides of his face. “It’s not that funny,” he managed to say using the few breaths of air he was able to suck down his lungs.

“No, it’s not,” John agreed with him, but they both just kept laughing until it died down on its own into a few snickers here and there. He could swear this guy could see through him, and into every secret he had, but John just went for the obvious saying, “So, if you’re hungry, I know this great little place to eat and since you bought the coffee, I’ll spring for the lunch.” He was getting up from his seat, waiting for Gary to follow.

“That’s not necessary,” replied Gary, trying to get out of this situation, which was increasingly making him uncomfortable. He kept telling himself it was because Erica had left him so abruptly, and he was lonely. Not that he was surprised when she actually left. She deserved more than what he could give her. The paper just wouldn’t let him have a life of his own. She’d been right when she recognized that she would come second. No one could ever be more important, Gary thought dispassionately. People got hurt when he lost focus for more than a minute. He would never forget that again, ever. He realized that John was just staring at him through his reverie. He realized that he must have a very serious frown on his face because it was being mirrored in the young man’s features when he looked up. He tried to smile as his brain tried to come up with some excuse as to why he couldn’t go, but just as he opened his mouth, his stomach decided to get into the act again by letting out a very loud, very obnoxious growl.

John smiled at him, shaking his head, “That’s it,” he said, reaching for Gary’s arm, almost pulling him along much to the amusement of the other patrons in the shop. “I’m not taking no for an answer. Besides, what kind of doctor would I be if I let someone waste away when I could have done something about it.” He was dragging Gary out of the shop by the arm into the street, and hailing a taxi all before could utter any word of protest.

“That’s okay, though,” Gary was saying as he was being railroaded into the back of the taxi. “I’ll go home and get something to eat there.”

Something in his tone of voice or something in his facial expression gave away the truth because John just looked at him so seriously that Gary had the feeling that he was being seen through again. “I don’t believe you,” Carter said softly. He turned and gave the cabbie the address of the restaurant they were going to, and the ride passed by quickly in silence.

They arrived at their stop and Carter handed the guy some money, and put his hand on Gary’s arm, yet again pulling him along to their destination. “But, why?” Gary suddenly asked. “You don’t know me. You don’t owe me anything.”

John just stood there for a moment gazing at Gary sadly. “I know,” he said with a forced smile, “but I need the company today,” *and I don’t know why, but something tells me that you do, too,* he added mentally.

Gary stood there with his mouth open ready to offer up another protest when the expression on John’s face registered in his brain. He felt a well of guilt bubble up inside of him. *Of course,* Gary thought, *today was the anniversary of his friend’s death, and,* Gary continued with a shudder, *the day he himself almost died.* He closed his mouth, and followed John into the restaurant, wondering how he let himself be led into this position. There was no wait, so they were seated at table immediately. Their hostess left them with menus, telling them that their waiter would be with them shortly.   
The restaurant was nice, clean, quiet, and well lit. The two men sat there, fiddling nervously with their menus, having exhausted the polite topics of conversation (such as they were) at the coffee shop. They would both glance at the other when they thought they could by with it unobserved, and when they were caught, they would blush and quickly look again to the menu.

*This is ridiculous!* thought John, *it’s like I’m out on a first date, and I don’t even know this guy!* So? Said a little voice in his head, get to know him then. John cleared his throat, “So, you ever been here before?”

Gary shook his head no, and scanned the restaurant again. “No,” he verbalized his body language, “but it’s nice.” He smiled, and John thought he would die. He would have to figure out a way to get this guy to smile at him more often. It was wonderful. Shy, bright, lighting the face if only for a few precious moments. John found himself studying Gary’s face. He had smooth, clear, pale skin, dark eyes (slightly darker than John’s own) hair that was so dark it was almost black, full lips, nice smile *okay, so now I’m repeating myself.* Gary had this way of crinkling his eyebrows at everything. John wondered if he even realized he wore a constant expression of worry. Worry and something else. Something that looked like guilt. John frowned. He didn’t know why this guy would feel guilty with him, but suddenly Gary turned red around the tips of his ears and down the back of his neck. John realized he’d been caught staring. He cleared his throat again, and dropped his eyes back down to his menu. “So,” he said from behind the menu, “what do you do?”

“I own a tavern called McGinty’s,” Gary said. His color had almost returned to normal.   
"Ever hear of it?”

“Yeah, but I’ve never been there,” admitted John.

“Oh, okay,” Gary drummed his fingers on the table. Where was their waiter anyway? As   
if on cue, their waiter strolled up to the table, asking them if they were ready to order.   
John ordered first, and then looked expectantly at Gary. It was obvious he didn’t want to be there, and he didn’t want to eat, but his stomach finally won out, and he ordered a club sandwich with a side of french fries. The food arrived and they ate for a few minutes in silence. Then not able to take it any longer, Gary decided to end the quiet, “So, you’re a doctor?” John nodded, while taking a bite of his own sandwich. “Do you like it?”

“Sometimes,” said Carter looking thoughtful for a moment. He didn’t know why, but he wanted to connect with Gary. He wanted to share personal information, and have that act reciprocated from the man now sitting across from him. “I was stabbed, too, you know.” He admitted this hoping it would let Gary know it was okay to open up to him. He really didn’t care that they’d only spent a scant amount of time together. But, looking at his companion, he realized he’d made a very big mistake. A darkness seemed to fall over Gary, and he just closed in on himself, blocking out everything around.

“I know,” came the response.

John knew he’d just screwed up. He had hoped Gary would connect with him somehow over something so painful, but it hadn’t happened that way. “Don’t do that.” He couldn’t stop the words. They were out of his mouth long before he could think about them. Gary actually just sat there and blinked at him. Confusion momentarily taking place of the darkness, then a frown as his eyebrows nearly met in the middle.

“Do what?” asked Gary softly.

“Retreat into whatever hell you’ve created for yourself,” honesty would have to work here. “It won’t solve anything. Nothing will change. You have to learn to forgive yourself for whatever it is you think you’ve done, then worry about those you believe you’ve wronged later. Otherwise, Gary Hobson, whatever’s eating at you will never go away.”   
*Please, please, believe me on this,* pleaded John inwardly. He’d spent enough time feeling guilty about Lucy. Not even really mourning her, but chastising himself for the part he’d played in her death. Gary was just sitting across from him. John allowed himself the impulse of putting his hand over Gary’s. It was warm, and the skin was extremely soft. Gary glanced down to where their hands met, and for a minute, John almost believed that Gary would turn his palm up, and then they would be holding hands. That didn’t happen, though. Gary just contemplated their physical connection for a bit more before pulling his hand away out of John’s reach. “What are you doing with the rest of your day?” John asked suddenly. He had an idea.

“Why,” said Gary eyeing him suspiciously.

“Because whatever your plans were, they were just cancelled. You’re spending the day with me.” John gave him the most pitiful look he could consciously come up with. Gary just sighed, frowned, and rolled his eyes. “No, don’t even ask,” said John “because you don’t have a choice.” That earned another sigh. Sometimes, thought John, having boyish charm came in handy.

“Well, let’s at least finish eating,” said Gary, picking up his sandwich and taking a bite. He was relieved to see that John did the same. What was he going to do with this guy for an entire afternoon?! John Carter was just too perceptive for his taste. He just had to glance his way, and Gary thought that his mind was being read. Maybe if he gave him this afternoon, then he’d be left alone. They finished their meals, talking amicably on neutral subjects such as weather, books, and finally on art. Gary was surprised to find that John was quite knowledgeable about the subject, and could infect him with his enthusiasm for it. They decided they would go to the art museum, and walk around.

As they got up to leave, John was good to his word, paying for his meal and Gary’s, even though the other man protested. It felt good to do something nice for somebody else. John didn’t let himself dwell on what other things it would feel good to do for, or rather to, this man, and decided to enjoy this day for what it was.

John and Gary went to the art museum and walked around for three hours. Gary enraptured by the way that John became so animated on the subject of art. He had never seen anyone who knew so much about art, and yet wasn’t a snob about him not knowing. He just talked about impressionistic, cubist, and a whole bunch of other art terms that surely would have put Gary to sleep if it hadn’t been for the fact that watching John Carter talk seemed to give him peace. He could almost make him forget that he and John had just met that morning, just from watching how Carter really tried to put him at ease. He found himself studying his companion. Carter was attractive. He had medium brown hair that framed the angles of his face nicely, soft, wide brown eyes, a narrow nose, and lush lips. And suddenly Gary realized that Carter had stopped talking, and was staring back at him with a strange expression on his face. He felt the tips of his ears start to burn, and knew that he was blushing at the fact that he’d just been caught staring at this man, a stranger really, if he thought about it. *This is stupid,* Gary thought, *I shouldn’t even be here with him. He almost died because of me.*

John had asked Gary a question about the painting he’d been talking about. A Monet, actually, not really one of his favorites, but a nice painting nonetheless. When he didn’t get a response, he turned to look at Gary, and noticed that the other man seemed to be lost in some reverie of which he the target. Gary just stood there staring at him, head tilted slightly to the side, lips slightly parted, eyes dilated just a bit. *Beautiful,* thought Carter, wondering if Gary was even aware of his own appearance. He looked so good in that lost in thought vulnerability that John thought if he were just a few steps closer he wouldn’t be able to resist placing his lips to Gary’s. Just then he noticed that Gary had snapped back to reality, and was blushing fiercely. Forcing himself to speak to try to alleviate the awkwardness that had taken over the air around them, he cleared his throat and said, “Well, I think we’ve had enough of the art museum. What do you say we head on out?” Gary acquiesced with a nod, not saying anything in his embarrassment. “I think you should pick our next activity since I picked this one.”  
Gary shook himself out of his silence enough to say, “I don’t know.” He shrugged his shoulders, “I’m not sure what to do.” Truth be told the paper had kept him so busy that he’d barely had any time to do the necessary things that would keep him functioning like eating and sleeping.

“Well,” said John, “what would you like to do? Maybe something you haven’t done in a long time.”

They stood still out on the sidewalk in front of the art museum that they’d just been in while Gary mulled it over. “Go to a movie,” he replied with a grin, “something mindless with the barest minimum of a plot that still somehow manages to entertain.”

John smiled. Gary obviously wanted to do this, and it did sound like fun. Mindless entertainment just for the sake of enjoyment. “Sounds like a plan to me. Let’s go see what’s playing at the Multiplex.” He clapped a hand on Gary’s shoulder before they turned to leave, and electricity flowed through John just from that simple touch that he decided it best to keep his physical contact with Gary to a bare minimum or else he might not be responsible for what he would do. An image of pulling the man into a darkened alleyway, and kissing him senseless, so that neither one of them could think came to mind, but John quickly shoved that image away. He didn’t need to make things any harder on himself than they already were.

Gary quickly stopped himself from leaning further into the touch of John’s hand on his shoulder. He was confused as to what he felt with this man. He was attracted to him, but that was to be expected. John was a very attractive man, incredibly so, in Gary’s opinion. But it was the sense of peace he was beginning to feel around him. He was afraid to examine this feeling anymore, but it was becoming obvious to himself that he liked hearing John’s voice, and loved that touch even more. He turned swiftly to walk to the local movie theater to their next agreed upon activity for this very strange day indeed. They arrived at their destination, and scanned the board for the whats and whens they needed to make a decision. They both agreed upon some silly romantic comedy that didn’t have much of a plot and was headed by a cast that had barely made it out of puberty (as most movies were these days), but had the promise of being fun. John was pulling out his wallet, but Gary stopped him saying that it was his turn since this was his choice of things to do. He bought both of their tickets, and then, much to John’s protest, popcorn, candy, and sodas. He just shrugged off the other man, saying that if they were going to do this then they might as well do it right. He handed over John’s portion of the snacks to him with a shy smile. John couldn’t help but melt at the look of those puppy dog eyes, and took everything that was offered with a silly grin on his face. Gary had really gone overboard. There was no way he could eat this much junk food without getting sick, but he was going to give a valiant try anyway.

They went into the theater, and since it was a workday for most of the world, and school was still in, they had it to themselves. They could actually spread out a bit, and put their feet up on the seats in front of them, leaning back in their own seats. They were sitting there eating popcorn, watching the movie in silence. It wasn’t very good, the term mindless came up, but this time not with ’all in fun’ connotation it had previously had. John leaned over to Gary and whispered what he thought the next line should be instead of what it was. Gary nearly choked on his soda as he burst out laughing. It had been dirty, and the comment had come out of left field, but it was funny as hell. He sat there laughing until tears came out of his eyes. In the midst of his laughing fit, he’d slumped down further in his seat, and was forced to look up at John who was just watching him intently, and then before he could register movement he was being kissed. He felt John’s lips meet his tenderly, and as his feet came down off the seat in front of him, he back up, which forced their little more than lip brush into a full fledged kiss. John moaned into his mouth, sending a vibration straight down his spine, and then he felt arms come around him from under his arms, to his upper back. His own hands lifted to John’s face and he traced patterns lightly with his fingertips along the cheeks down to the jaw line back up the sides of the neck to gently brush his thumbs across the earlobes as his fingers came to rest at the back John’s neck. John’s tongue flicked out across his bottom lip, and he opened his mouth as the tongue began to plunder his mouth. It was better than anything Gary could remember ever having done with anybody, and it was just a kiss! But John’s tongue traced the bottom of his own tongue as they met in his mouth and then up to the soft pallet roof of his mouth that sent a slight tickling sensation through him, and then along his gums behind his teeth, and finally back down to meet his own tongue again. John’s lips were so soft, and Gary was losing himself in this kiss. Just then he heard this annoying beeping coming from somewhere nearby.

“Damn,” whispered John mostly from breathlessness as he pulled away from Gary while pulling out the object making the offensive noise. It was a pager. “It’s the hospital,” said John. “I’ve got to get there immediately.” They both stood up. John looked to Gary and said, “Give me your hand.” Gary held out his hand, his mind still reeling and his senses still numb from the kiss that they’d shared. John took out a pen and began to write on the palm of Gary’s hand. “This first one is my cell phone, and the second is my home number. Please call me. I’ve got to see you again, Gary Hobson.” He smiled, and his hand came up to the side of Gary’s face, and he leaned in and kissed him quickly, not quite on the cheek, but not quite on the lips either. Gary moved into the touch instinctively, and then watched as John moved silently out of the theater. Gary stood there dumbly for a minute, and then finally decided on going back to his loft above the bar to do some serious thinking as to what he was exactly getting himself into.

"And then he kissed you?” asked Marissa as Gary was recounting the day’s events to her. He was so confused and he thought that talking with someone else might actually help. Marissa had known he was bisexual for years, and she never passed judgment, having once said that love was love and people who were lucky enough to find it reciprocated should never think too hard on the package that it came to them in.

“Yeah,” was all he said in response.

“How was it?”

“It was great, no, better than great. Possibly the best kiss I’ve ever had.” He sat back and sighed.

“Okay, now I’m jealous,” she said.

“Marissa! That’s not the point. I’ve got to figure out what I’m going to do.” He sat there and stared at the pad where he’d written down the phone numbers John had given him. He took a sip of the coffee he’d made.

“Oh, come on, I’ve got to live vicariously through somebody. I’d call him though if I were you. It’s obvious you two like one another. Maybe there could be something there.” *Something I think you need,* she silently added.

“I don’t know. I mean, I just met the guy, and I don’t know why I feel this way about him, but it scares me. It’s too soon. If it were just lust that would be one thing, but I think I like him. In fact, if I see much more of him I could probably more than like him. I think I could fall in love with him so easily.” He said staring ahead at nothing.

“And this would be a bad thing?” Marissa asked reaching out to where she sensed Gary’s hand was, covering it with her own.

Gary just groaned in response. “But this guy almost died because of me.”

“Gary, he didn’t almost die because of you. He was stabbed because of someone else. Someone who couldn’t control his own impulse between right and wrong. It wasn’t your fault. That child would have died from exposure if you hadn’t stopped him from running away that night. You can’t blame yourself forever. You can’t save the entire world and you know it. That’s it. My vote is to call him.” Having said that, she got up, picked up Spike’s leash from where he was positioned by her feet, and left.

John was sitting in the lounge, talking to Abby Lockhart in hushed tones.

“And then what happened?” She asked, all wide-eyed, trying to feign just the right amount of curiosity without letting John know that she was desperately trying to picture John Carter kissing some dark haired man named Gary Hobson in a public movie theater.

“And then I got paged to come here,” he said, chuckling slightly as he saw disappointment flicker across her face. Not that he would’ve gone into any details if anything more than kissing had happened. He wasn’t the kind to kiss and tell, so to speak. Besides he really wanted some advice from Abby. Since she’d become his sponsor, he’d felt he could confide in her about his attraction to men as well as women. She hadn’t seemed shocked at all, and had just been as supportive as before he’d told her. So he felt comfortable discussing this new enigma of Gary Hobson with her.

“Oh,” she said. “Do you think he’ll call you?”

“I hope so,” he said wistfully. “God, listen to me, Abby, I just met this guy today! He’s already got some kind of hold on me. It’s just that he looked so sad when I first saw him, and then I saw him smile just once, and I thought that if I could help it that there’d never be another reason for a sad expression to darken his face again.” He’d lost himself in talking about Gary, and a small smile played on his lips.

Abby shook her head, realizing that John had already fallen for this guy even if John himself hadn’t come to the same conclusion yet. She said a silent prayer that this Gary guy would call John, and that together they would find peace, happiness, and some much-needed love. She sighed, patting his arm as she got up to get back to work. She smiled at him, and said, “Go home. I think everyone just wanted to see that you were okay today.”

*That’s right,* John thought to himself. *Today was the day Lucy had died.* Gary had taken his mind completely off of it. *Maybe he’s better for me than I thought.* John sighed again, and got his coat to go home.

It was two days before Gary worked up the nerve to call John. He’d called the cell phone number first, since he thought that was the sure-fire way that he’d get John without bothering anybody else. He didn’t get an answer, though, and he paced for a good thirty minutes before he could get his resolve up enough to call the phone number. He dialed and got an answer of “Carter residence,” when the line was answered. He almost hung up on the woman answering the phone, but he stopped himself by sheer will alone, and stuttered out, “May I please speak to John Carter?”

“May I tell Dr. John who’s calling?” the woman asked.

“My name’s Gary Hobson.”

The phone was put down for a few minutes, and then John’s voice came on the line, “Hi, Gary?”

“Yeah, it’s me. Hi. How are you doing?” Gary kicked himself mentally, but he didn’t seem to be able to come up with anything but lameness.

“I’m great now that you called.” Gary was glad John couldn’t see his blush. “What are you up to?”

“Right now, nothing.” He replied honestly.

“Do you want to go grab a bite, maybe?” The voice on the other end sounded hopeful.

“Sure, sounds great. Where should I meet you?” Gary couldn’t keep the enthusiasm out of his voice.

“Why don’t you give me directions to your place and I’ll pick you up. I mean, if that’s okay.” John didn’t sound completely sure of himself.

“Um, okay,” Gary described how to get to where McGinty’s was from where John’s starting point was, and listened as John repeated the directions back to him.

“Hey, listen, Gary,” John said after he’d gotten the directions down. “I’d really like this to be like a date. I mean that’s okay, isn’t it?”

“Oh. Oh, yeah, I....I mean if that’s what you’d like. I mean that’s okay with me, too. If that’s what you want.”

“Gary, it’s okay. Remember to breathe. It’s just a date. I’ll pick you up at seven, okay?”

“Yeah, see you at seven.” Gary hung up the phone, feeling a little light headed from the giddiness flowing through him. *A date?* he mused. He smiled to himself. The fact that John Carter actually wanted to go on a ‘real date’ with him proved that the kiss hadn’t been a fluke, which Gary had been silently worrying about for the past two days. He looked at the clock. It was 5:30. That gave him an hour and a half to shower (again), and get ready for the date.

John had taken the phone call from Rosa, and had asked Gary out on a date, noticing that the other man had been too nervous to ask him. *Hell, he probably worked up all of his nerve just for the phone call.* But John was so elated that Gary hadn’t said no to the date, even when he’d spelled out that that’s exactly what it was. He turned around right into the face of his grandmother. He stood there for a minute under her gaze while his entire face turned bright tomato red. She shook her head at him, and said, “We’ll talk, John, but later will do. Don’t you have a date to get ready for?” She looked amused when he stood there gaping at her for a moment. Would wonders never cease? Surely, she’d heard the name of the person on the other line when he’d said it. She obviously didn’t care. He decided that he could sit there stunned or he could do what she said and go get ready. He shrugged and walked past her towards the shower.   
He pulled up outside of McGinty’s tavern about ten minutes until seven. He walked into the old Chicago building admiring its ambiance. It was nice, and the evening crowd had just started to gather. He stopped at the bar and when he was noticed he asked where he could find Gary Hobson.

A female voice came from behind, “You’re a friend of Gary’s?” He turned towards the voice and saw an attractive, blind, black woman standing there.

“Yes, my name’s John Carter.” He took the hand she offered and shook it.

“Marissa Clark,” she said with a smile. “If you go to the door to the left of the bar and walk up the stairs that’ll lead you to Gary’s loft.”

John thanked her and walked upstairs to the loft, and knocked twice. Gary came to the door, and opened it. John nearly gasped. Gary looked amazing. Not that there was much that he could mess up. He was wearing dark gray slacks with a darker shade of gray turtleneck sweater. It made his smooth skin look pale and flawless, which made his eyes seem even darker brown framed by black eyebrows that arched perfectly. “Hi,” was all he could manage to come up with.

“Hi,” Gary said back. “You want to come in for a minute, or should we go?” Gary had stepped away from the doorway, making it clear that John could come in if he so chose. As much as he wanted to see Gary’s apartment, he thought better of it. They’d miss dinner if he did that, and seeing that Gary took care of himself was something that John was going to take over starting now.

“We should get to the restaurant. I pulled a favor and got them to hold a table for us.” He led the way back downstairs. Gary stopped to tell Marissa he’d be gone for a while, and she said something that John didn’t hear, but it made Gary blush. He smiled and said something back in an equally hushed tone, and whatever it was made Marissa laugh out loud. Gary returned to John and they went outside with John leading the way to his car. He opened the passenger side door and waited for Gary to get in before closing it. He walked around to the driver’s side, got in, and started the car.

“Where are we going?” asked Gary. John had dressed to the nines. He was afraid that he would still be underdressed.

“It’s a little cafe I found one day of driving around called Machiavelli’s. It’s really small, but it has a select group of loyal patrons who keep it pretty busy. They even have a blues singer there most nights. The food’s really good, too. It’s kind of a potpourri of every kind of food you can imagine, so I’m sure you won’t go hungry for want of something familiar.” He added with a smile.

“Sounds great.”

They drove around listening to John’s car radio, lost in their separate thoughts. They were at the restaurant in fifteen minutes. John had been true to the fact that the place was small, but busy. The hostess looked up when she saw them enter and smiled, coming over and hugging Carter, “Johnny,” she exclaimed enthusiastically, “long time no see.” She stepped back from him with her hands still clasping each of his shoulders.

“Hi, Lizzie, this is my date, Gary.” He said pointing to where Gary was standing, frozen with the blush spreading to the tips of his ears when John had so nonchalantly admitted that this was a date. The hostess, however, didn’t seem the least bit surprised, and turned back to John after giving him an appreciative glance up and down, which only served to make his blush grow stronger.

“Come on. We’ve kept you a table open.” She took menus from behind her podium and led the way to a table on the side of the room where they could still see the small stage with a single microphone standing. “Lyta’s on tonight. It should be a good show. I’ll let your waiter know you’re here.” Having said that, she left them alone.   
They glanced at the menu, which had just about every type of food imaginable. Their waiter appeared before them while they were still looking. “Can I get you two gentlemen anything to drink?” He asked with a pencil and pad to take their order with.

“I’ll just have a club soda since I’m driving,” said John, not wanting to scare away Gary with the fact that he was a recovering addict. “And I’ll suggest that you,” he said pointing a finger at Gary, “indulge yourself with the house Bordeaux. It’s wonderful.”

“Okay, well, I guess that’s what I’ll be having. Thanks.” Gary said to their waiter as he once again disappeared to get their drinks. They looked at their menus deciding on what to eat when their waiter reappeared with a glass of club soda, which he promptly sat down in front of John, and an empty wineglass, which was placed in front of Gary. The waiter then opened an entire bottle of wine, pouring a glass for him, then leaving the bottle on the table. “I didn’t mean an entire bottle.” Gary said incredulously. “I can’t drink an entire bottle of wine by myself.” The waiter just looked back at him impassively.

“It’s okay,” said John. “Drink what you want, and then we’ll let Andre here take the rest home with him.” He added winking at Gary.

“Are you two ready to order dinner? Can I start you off with an appetizer?”  
They placed their orders. John getting the salmon, and Gary getting a steak. Their waiter left with their orders, and Gary decided to take a tentative sip of the wine. It was good, really good. He almost downed the first entire glass, and then he looked across and saw the mischievous look in John’s eyes. “Don’t think you’re going to get me drunk, and then have your wicked way with me, John Carter.” He said as the wine was already warming him from inside out.

“That transparent, am I?” John said with a goofy grin.

“Maybe a little,” said Gary smiling back. He finished the first glass, looking at the bottle still sitting there in front of him. *What the hell,* he thought. *How often do I drink, let alone go out on a date with someone that I’m really interested in. Maybe this’ll help me relax just enough to enjoy it.* He took the bottle and refilled his glass, taking only a sip from it this time. Their dinner came just as a young woman stepped onto the stage.

“Hello, my name is Lyta Monroe. Welcome to Machiavelli’s. Are there any requests to start the night off with?” She asked. A few requests filtered through to the stage, and she began to sing. It was nice, she had a really sweet voice, and it only lifted Gary’s spirits.

John noticed the small smile playing on Gary’s lips when Lyta began to sing, and how his eyes half closed when he started to sway slightly to the rhythm of the song. He looked happy. It was a good look for him. “Do you dance?” asked John.

“Hmm?” Gary’s reverie was broken. “Oh, yeah, my mom made me take lessons when I was young. She said that it would make me into a gentleman.” He said, remembering how his mom had to almost drag him to the instructor’s studio. He was afraid that if his friends found out he’d be made fun of. “My mom had to drag me kicking and screaming, you know.” He turned his attention back to his date. “But it was nice. The instructor was this middle-aged woman who’d been a professional dancer, but had lost the practical use of one of her legs after a car accident, and had to use a cane from then on. She relocated to Indiana after that, and started up a little dancing school.”

“You’re from Indiana? I’ve never lived anywhere but Chicago,” said John, trying to imagine Gary as a little boy, trying to win a battle of will against his mom over dance lessons.

Gary laughed at John’s expression. “Well, it’s not exactly like Indiana is a great Mecca for worldliness.” They began to talk after that through their dinner. Gary talked about his childhood, his parents, Bernie and Lois. He’d had John in tears with laughter as he explained how his dad had nearly blown up his trailer, aptly named the Gray Ghost, trying to make something called gnocchi, and how Gary had had to break into it with a fire extinguisher, though he carefully left out how the paper had been what alerted him to the fact that the trailer would blow up. John, in turn, told him about his childhood, and family, and how he’d pretty much stayed with his grandparents since his parents were pretty much always away. He’d made light of everything though, so as to not spoil the mood. They finished their meal, and still sat there talking. Gary was on his fourth glass of wine and it showed; although, John was convinced that he was hiding something. *Well, it’s not like I’ve told him everything either,* thought John. *It’s okay. He can keep a secret. I’ve got time.*

Lyta interrupted their conversation by stating that it was almost closing time and they only had time for one more song. John muttered something that sounded like “Oh, why not,” before screaming out “Cry Me a River.” He stood up and held his hand out to Gary. “Come on. Come dance with me.”

“Here?” said Gary, looking around nervously.

“Gary, I wouldn’t take you somewhere where I couldn’t at least touch you in public. It’s okay. Trust me.” Having said that, he pulled Gary to his feet, and led him out to the floor. They stood there awkwardly for a moment, neither of them knowing what to do. Finally, John took the lead by putting one arm around his waist and holding the other of Gary’s hand in his own up near their shoulders. Gary’s other hand came up to John’s shoulder and they began to sway to the song as it filtered through.

“Now, you say you’re lonely  
You cry the whole night through  
Well, cry me a river  
Cry me a river  
I cried a river over you.”

They moved into the music, their temples now touching, and bodies pressed closely as they moved gracefully around the floor. As the song ended, their lips met gently, and then they were met with applause from the enthusiastic patrons still left in the cafe. Lyta came down off the stage saying, “Wow, you guys really move well together. That was great. You should definitely come back, so that all my shows can end like that.” She smiled at them, and then went over to the hostess to help her get things ready to close up. With the spell of the music broken, Gary and John moved back to their table to get their things and pay their tab. They agreed that John would pay for the dinner, and Gary would leave the tip, and that next time they’d reverse, so it would be even. Both of them overjoyed that the other one wanted there to be a next time. They paid, and John led the way back to the car, letting Gary in as he’d done before, and then driving back to McGinty’s. They arrived out front of Gary’s place, and sat there for a minute as John turned off his ignition. Gary turned his head to look at him, and that was all that John needed to lean over and close the distance between them. Their lips met softly, and he leaned across the seats to get close to Gary. His tongue traced Gary’s lips before they opened and let him in. They sat there making out in the car like a couple of teenagers. Tracing kisses across jaw lines, sucking on earlobes, groping through clothes. Then true to form, John’s pager went off again.

“Damnit, damnit, damnit,” said John as he forcefully jerked up the pager to check the message.

Gary laughed softly, “We really have to stop meeting this way,” he said. John looked at him apologetically, getting ready to explain that he had to go to the hospital when Gary just held up his hand to stop him. Gary leaned over placing a sweet kiss on his lips, and reached for the door handle, and stopped as he noticed the condition of the car’s windows. *My Lord,* thought John, as a smile took over his face. *We’ve fogged up the entire car.* He laughed out loud, and so did Gary. They turned to face one another, and Gary said, “We’ll have to do this again sometime.”

“Of course,” said John, “you still owe me dinner, mister.” He captured Gary’s lips once more before letting him out of the car. He waited until Gary was safely inside before turning on his car and heading to County. He nearly bounced into the emergency room, getting the fact that they were swamped, and were down a couple of doctors. Could he help? Of course he could, now that the only thing he’d had to distract him from it was now safely locked away in his own apartment across town.

Gary slept that night, having incredibly erotic dreams filled with images of John Carter. When the paper came that morning, he let in the cat, petting it absent-mindedly, and quickly perused the headlines. Today was going to be a busy day. People just couldn’t seem to keep out of trouble. Oh, well, this was what he was used to. Why should he think that he deserved any kind of a social life just because of a certain gorgeous doctor that had invaded his thoughts all the past night. He did have a brief respite in the middle of the day, enough time to call John. Gary worked hard that day, racing across the city of Chicago, preventing disasters, and deaths. A couple of the people he’d saved from falling off of a deteriorating fire escape would have to go to the hospital, but it was nothing serious. They thanked him all wide-eyed with the knowledge that if he hadn’t gotten there that they’d all be dead. He waited until the ambulance got there, and then like some strange version of Superman (or more likely Superman’s alter ego Clark Kent) he was gone. They were loaded into the vehicle waiting nearby still looking at the rusted pile of metal where their lives could’ve been lost.

Randi stated that there was and ambo on it’s way in with a group of teenage kids who’d been standing out on a fire escape that fell. Nothing terribly major, but they still need checked out. John decided that he would take it. Nothing major was definitely good for an emergency room doctor. A minute or two later the paramedics arrived with the kids in tow. They were actually walking which was a good sign, and they were talking in hushed tones when John heard the name of Gary Hobson mentioned quietly. He made his way over to the kid who’d said the name, and quickly looked at the board to see where he could take this motley bunch. He decided on exam three. The kids all filed in the room in front of him. Both beds were empty, so he’d set the kids on them two to each bed. Then he began his examination. It was really just some scrapes and bruises. They’d be sore tomorrow, but it could’ve been a lot worse. “So, does someone want to tell me what happened here?”

The eldest of the kids, maybe fourteen years old, spoke up first. “We were sitting out on the fire escape, not doing anything,” he added too quickly for John to think that there’d truly been nothing going on. “When all of a sudden this guy comes out of nowhere makes us get down from where we were, and just as we were getting down, the thing just crashes. Man, if we’d been where we were, we’d be dead now.” He added looking as if he was in shock.

“Did you know who this guy was?” John tried to make it sound like he was just making conversation.

The kids all shook their heads no in unison. “Uh-uh,” said the ring leader of the pack. “But when he was waiting with us for the ambulance to get there, he said that his name was Gary Hobson. Man, my mom is going to hunt him down and hug him for days when we tell her about this.” Carter finished patching up their cuts, and sent a nurse in to look after them while they waited for their parents to get there. Meanwhile, he sat back to ponder what the teenager had told him. *How did Gary know?* He asked himself. He shook his head at this thought. Gary hadn’t known, but had just been in the right place at the right time. At least that’s what he told himself. He just couldn’t shake the feeling that something was not quite right with this.

It wasn’t until lunch with Abby and Kerry Weaver that he brought this up again. Although, Abby knew that John and Gary were seeing one another socially, he wasn’t sure he should bring up his new budding relationship to Kerry. She would worry that it might be a detriment to his recovery. But he just couldn’t let it go, so he brought it up in relation to the case of the kids this morning. Kerry surprised him by interrupting, “Excuse me, Carter, but what did you say this guy’s name was?”

“Gary Hobson,” he repeated.

“I had this case last week where this woman had been banged up from being hit by a car. Well, not really by the car, but she would’ve been had she not been tackled and dragged to the ground by someone passing by. She said that he’d told her that his name was Gary Hobson. Strange to be a coincidence, huh?”

Both Peter Benton and Cleo Finch had been passing by with their trays in their hands. “What’s this I hear about Gary Hobson?” asked Cleo. “Is he still saving little old ladies and their cats from burning buildings?” Cleo then recounted the tale of an elderly lady she’d helped with smoke inhalation who’d been save by a guy named surprisingly enough by Gary Hobson. Even Peter got into the act by saying that a man he’d done a by-pass on a man who claimed that his life had been saved by a guy with the same name. The patient said he’d felt fine that morning, and was even on his way to work when some guy he didn’t know jumped onto the El train, telling him that he had to get to a hospital that he was going to have a massive heart attack. His patient said his first inclination was to laugh it off, but right after that the first pain hit him, and he just knew he was going to die. Right as that thought passed through his head, and ambulance came around to the stopped El train still waiting at the platform. “It probably saved the guy’s life that he’d gotten here so quickly. If he’d waited much longer, there probably wouldn’t have been much we could’ve done for him. And he said he owed it all to a guy named Gary Hobson. Haven’t thought about it much since then.” They all sat there in silence, going over the strangeness that one man could’ve have ’been in the right place at the right time’ so often. They were all getting up to go back on shift, but Abby and John lagged behind.

“What do you think it means?” she whispered.

“I don’t know, but I’m going to find out.”

“Just be careful. Don’t get hurt by this.”

John smiled at her. “Don’t worry, Abby. I don’t think Gary’s capable of consciously hurting anybody. I really, really like him,” he was whispering to her. “I want this to work.” She smiled at him in return, apparently happy with his answer. John decided he’d have to do some detective work into the life of his new love interest.

Gary got home around noon time after the incident with the fire escape, and decided that now was as good a time as any for lunch, and to call John, he added. He went upstairs to his place, and made himself a sandwich, grabbing a bottle of water to drink. He sat down the cat’s food for it to come eat, too. Then he grabbed his phone. He called the home number first this time, feeling bold after the last response he’d gotten from John. The phone was answered by the same person as last time, “Carter residence,” said the voice.

“Is John Carter there? This is Gary Hobson.”

“I’m sorry, Mr. Hobson, but Dr. John is not here right now. He’s on shift at the hospital, but I’ll tell him you called.”

“Oh, okay, thank you,” he said as he sat the phone back down on its receiver. He felt glum now. He’d been looking forward to talking to John, and he knew he probably wouldn’t another chance today. He just started to pick at the lunch he’d made for himself after that, not really all that hungry anymore. He sighed as he looked at the clock and knew it was time to be on the run again. *At least John’ll know I called,* he thought.

Meanwhile, John had gotten off shift, still thinking about how strange it was that Gary’s name would come up four different times in four different cases. How could no one have noticed this before? He shrugged out of his lab coat, and put on his own coat. He headed outside to his car, got in, and headed home back to his grandmother’s to check in before he sought Gary out to get some answers out of the man. He’d just barely gotten inside when Rosa caught him to tell him that Gary Hobson had called for him today while he was at work. John couldn’t stop the grin from spreading across his face. He tried to get himself to stop looking like a teenager in love, but he couldn’t help it. *What has that man done to me?* he chided himself. Rosa just smiled back at him, obviously happy that this news had brought such pleasure to John. His grandmother came in the room at that moment, and it snapped him out of his reverie. He stepped up to her, kissing her on the cheek as he passed by to go shower and change. He left after about an hour to go find Gary, and question him about today. He got in his car and arrived at McGinty’s a few minutes later. He stepped into the bar. It was still early, so there wasn’t that much of a crowd. He didn’t see Gary, but he did spot Marissa, whom he’d met just the other day. He stepped forward, saying, “Hello, Marissa. It’s John Carter, Gary’s friend.”

She turned toward him, a smile on her face, “Of course, John, how are you?” They moved to the table that Marissa was near and sat down.

“Oh, I’m fine. I was looking for Gary. Is he here?”

“I’m afraid not. He probably won’t be back until later tonight.” She probably expected him to leave after that, but John saw an opportunity to maybe get some information out of her concerning Gary.

“I’d like to wait if that’s okay. I’d like to see him.” Well, it was the truth at least. He would like to see Gary.....naked. *Don’t think like that. You’ll forget why you’re here.*  
Marissa seemed fine with his answer, and even smiled at him. “Sure. Hey, have you eaten. I could have the kitchen whip us up something.”

“Sounds great.” He was pleased that he didn’t have to try to persuade her to spend time at his table. She’d offered. A waitress passing by, stopped by their table. Marissa asked if they could get a couple of club sandwiches with some chips, and into the kitchen the waitress went. “So, how long have you known Gary?”

“A few years. We used to work at the same brokerage firm.”

John tried to hide his surprise. “Gary, a stock broker?! I’m sorry, but he just doesn’t seem the type.”

“Yeah, I didn’t think so either. Well, anyway, after his divorce....” John must’ve made some kind of noise at that because Marissa stopped mid-sentence. “Oh, I’m sorry. I thought maybe you knew.” Her voice trailed off again.

“That’s okay. I knew he’d dated women, but I didn’t know he’d been married. So what happened?”

“She threw him out one day, and served him divorce papers not too long after that. For him, it was devastating. Personally, I never really liked his ex-wife too much.” She grinned conciliatorily, hoping to ease the shock of finding out that Gary had once been married. It worked as far as John was concerned. He shrugged and took a sip of the water that had been set before him.

“So what about the brokerage thing? I assume that ended, too.”

“Yeah, in fact, the two things seemed to coincide. Gary’s ex was even once engaged to his former boss, she left him standing at the alter.”

“Ouch, for both of them. Doesn’t sound like a nice woman.”

“She must’ve been at one time. I mean, Gary really did love her. But he had....other things to contend with.”

“Oh, really, like what?” Suddenly, Carter just knew that Marissa knew what Gary’s secret was.

“Oh, like finding another job, a place to live, that kind of thing.” John wasn’t buying her excuse, but he could tell he wasn’t going to get her to be disloyal to Gary. Not that that’s what he wanted. He just wanted to know what this secret was, and how Gary always seemed to be everywhere just to save lives. So John sat there making small talk with Marissa about this and that. He heard some stories about Gary that warmed his heart. Time had passed quickly, and now it was late. Just as he was thinking this, the door to McGinty’s opened, and he heard the gasps of the people behind him, so he’d turned to see what all the hush was over. There was Gary, soaking wet from head to toe, an exhausted and aggravated expression on his face. John stood up and rushed over to him. Gary noticed him, letting his surprise show.

“Are you all right?” He asked looking at the dripping man before him. Gary was shivering slightly, his lips were tinged with blue. *Where is his coat?* John asked himself.

“Yeah, I’m fine. A slight accident. That’s all.” Gary smiled a little bit lop-sided. John pulled him by the arm to an open office door. He walked back out to where Marissa was still sitting, and explained to her what Gary looked like. She looked worried, but not all that surprised by her friend’s condition. John asked if she could go up to Gary’s room and find something dry for him to change in. He didn’t think people would gossip too much at seeing her go up there. Everyone seemed to know the two were close friends. John turned and went back to the office when Marissa stood up and made her way easily to the door leading to Gary’s place. John turned back to where he’d left Gary, and walked in to find a very exhausted man, standing dead on his feet.

“I asked Marissa to get you something dry to wear.”

“Thanks,” mumbled Gary.

“Listen, Gary, I have something to ask you.” John walked over to where he was standing, and got Gary to sit down on a couch located against the wall of the office. “I was working today when a group of kids were brought in. They’d survived a falling fire escape.” Gary just looked up a little bit startled. “Do you know who saved their lives?” John waits for a moment, and only got silence as a response. “It seems you’re real busy as the local hero. I heard four different stories today from as many different colleagues. Gary, what’s going on? How do you know these things?” He knelt down between the legs of the man still shivering slightly on the couch. He reached forward and brought Gary’s head forward to rest on his shoulder. He could tell from the touch that the shivering isn’t only from the cold. He’s hit a nerve here.

“Look,” Gary said as he pulled his head back up to look John squarely in the eye, “I could tell you that it’s all one big coincidence, but I don’t think you’d believe me, and that’s not the truth anyway. Please, please believe me when I tell you that I can’t tell you. Trust me when I say you wouldn’t believe me, and let it go.” His eyes look bright and shiny, like he was fighting tears.

“Okay,” says John.

“Okay?” Gary definitely wasn’t expecting that answer. He just sat there gaping at John.

“Sure it’s okay. I do trust you, and if you say you’re not ready to tell me this.....yet, then I have to respect that.”

“That’s not what I said. What if I can’t ever tell you?”

“You will. Besides, even if you don’t, I’m not planning on going anywhere. No one has given me such peace of mind just from their presence in a long time, and I’m not willing to give that up just yet. Got it?” Gary just nodded at him. A knock came on the door. It was Marissa with a towel and a dry set of clothes for Gary. They left him to change, walking back out into the bar.

“I heard what you said,” Marissa said turning to him. “How far do your feelings go for Gary? I mean didn’t you just meet him?” John noticed the fact that she didn’t say ‘Didn’t you two just meet?’ The turn of phrase had him puzzled, but where Gary was concerned, what else was new?

“I don’t know yet. I like him a lot. He’s got demons. I can respect that. We all have our demons to fight, but to be honest with you, I’d rather fight mine with him by my side, and be by his side while he battles his own.”

She nodded slightly, satisfied with the answer. “Tell you what,” she said, leading John to the table where they’d sat where a fresh sandwich had been placed. “When he gets out of there, you get him to eat this sandwich, and I’ll be your friend for life.” John laughed, the tense moment having passed over them.

“Yes, ma’am,” he responded.

She just shook her head and walked away to the bar. Gary came out of the office, and gratefully, John noticed that the only part of him that was still damp was his hair. John waved him over to the table. Gary sat down, and looked at the plate of food in front of him. “Eat,” John ordered pushing it in his direction. Gary got this amused look in his eye, gave a little mock salute, and picked up the sandwich to take a big bite. John just chuckled, and then began to recount his day at County, stopping only to answer the questions that Gary would occasionally interrupt him with. He soon noticed that Gary was nodding off despite his obvious attempts to stay awake. “Hey,” John said quietly, “why don’t you go on upstairs, and get some sleep. I have Thursday off. Why don’t you call me when you’re free, and you can treat me to dinner.” Gary smiled at him as he stood. He looked at the door that led to his apartment, and then back to John. Gary opened his mouth to say something, but John cut him off by saying, “Goodnight, Gary.” Gary just nodded at him, turned, and walked up to his loft. John shook his head, glad that he didn’t have to explain that it was too soon for the invitation that he’d stopped Gary from issuing. *Hell, I had to stop him,* thought John, *because if I didn’t, I don’t think I would’ve been able to say no.* He left McGinty’s tavern to go home with his thought swirling around Gary.

They continued to go on dates, their bond growing ever stronger. Gary had gained back most of the weight he’d lost, and was looking great. John hadn’t slept this well in over a year. His dreams were now filled with pleasant images, rather than the dark imagery of a Valentine’s Day he’d rather forget. They still hadn’t moved beyond more than anything beyond kissing, and groping through clothes. It was getting harder to not take Gary up on the silent offer he’d made that night at the bar, but John wanted to make sure that what he felt was real. He didn’t want to screw this up. Gary meant a lot to him, and not just because of the time they’d spent together. County continued to get patients that came in because they’d escaped death thanks only to a mysterious figure named Gary Hobson. He’d done more research into his boyfriend’s life, and found that Gary did indeed have a knack for being in the right place at the right time. He’d met with a reporter named Miguel Diaz. He was a friend of sorts of Gary’s, and clued John into all kinds of stuff that Gary had been a part of. Saving children from a fire, and such. This wasn’t just someone who’d been given Gary’s name, either. Miguel had pictures. They were never directly of Gary (except for the one with the ducks, but we’ll not get into that), but he was always in the picture. Then, John had met the two detectives and the one former detective. The two detectives, Paul Armstrong and Antonia Brigatti, told John of the times when Gary had been on the run from the law, which had made him worry at first, until he was assured that Gary had always been vindicated. The one former detective, retired actually, Marion Crumb, had asked him why he wanted to know about Hobson. “The guy’s a freak. Got some kind of weird sixth sense thing going on. If he’s up to something, be sure to keep me out of it. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I like the kid and all, but where there’s Hobson, there’s usually trouble,” had been what Crumb had said. So John began to realize that Gary just did good deeds for the sake of doing good, and that made him feel tingly that he’d found such a person in this world. It was hard to be cynical about the world when you found someone like that.

Their relationship continued smoothly for about four months when it changed. John had been at work when the school bus of kids had been brought by because of fumes, and kids getting sick. He’d been taking care of a boy who’d suffered an asthma attack because he’d been forced to huff. Then they were out in the corridor when the woman had gotten the cop’s gun. John had stood there frozen in front of his own young patient, praying desperately that no one would get shot. The woman was clearly not in charge of her reasoning faculties, though it didn’t appear that she actually wanted to hurt anyone. Then the other cop had shot her, and she’d died, just like that. It was then that John had seen the dark haired figure standing just a bit too far out of range. It was Gary, but the look on his face just about knocked John over. There was so much pain there, so much sadness, but just as he was about to walk over to him, the young boy he was in charge of asked him why he’d stood in front of him, and by the time John got back to where he’d seen Gary, he could find no trace of the man.

Abby had seen Carter looking around like he was trying to find something. She walked over to him, “Hey, Carter, what’s up?”

“Did you see the dark haired guy about this tall just leave,” John was holding his hand up to approximate Gary’s height.

“No, why? What do you need him for?” John’s demeanor did not sit well with her.

“It was Gary. He was here. Somehow, he knew what was going to happen, and came here to stop it, but he was too late.” He saw the disbelief in Abby’s face. “Abby, I know this sounds crazy, but it’s true. He was here, I swear.”

“I believe you, John,” she said softly. “But how could he know what was going to happen?”

“I don’t know, but this time I’m going to find out no matter what.” He saw the look that Abby was giving him. “I know, Abby. I don’t want to lose him, but somehow I think he needs me to know as much as I need to know.” He smiled at her squeezing one of her arms that were crossed in front of her before heading back to his patient.

Carter had finished his shift, thinking really of nothing but Gary, and the horrible expression he’d seen take over his face when the woman had been shot. It looked as if he’d wanted to scream, laugh, cry, or some strange combination of all three. So much pain, so much guilt bottled up in him, bubbling briefly to the surface. He’d called home to tell Rosa that he was going to be late, and might not even be home tonight, so not to keep dinner for him. It was dark when he’d pulled up outside of McGinty’s. The bar was closed, so he knocked on the door loudly, hoping that Gary wasn’t already asleep. “Gary,” he said loudly as well, trying to get the door opened as quickly as possible. He could hear movement inside, a soft sound of muffled music came through as the door was opened a crack, and he could see Gary’s face, partially hidden. “Hi,” said John. “Can I come in?” Gary thought about it for a moment, then opened the door mumbling something that John couldn’t quite make out, but that had sounded like ’Suit yourself.’ John followed him in, and was immediately assaulted by the fact that Gary smelled like alcohol, and a lot of it, by the way he was walking (or shuffling was more like it). He’d apparently been taking advantage of the fact that he owned a bar for quite some time. “Gary, I came here to talk to you about what happened at the hospital today.” No response. “I saw you there. I know you said I wouldn’t believe you, but I don’t think that’s true anymore. How did you know? Please, tell me. I’ve got to know.” John had bridged the distance between them and now sat on a stool at the bar next to Gary. Gary reached for the bottle he’d been taking shots from all night, and John promptly took it away from him. “I don’t think you need any more of this.” He said as he pulled it out of Gary’s reach. He put a hand on Gary’s arm and said, “Let’s go upstairs and get some coffee into you.” Gary made no attempt to help, but didn’t protest either as John pulled him upstairs. *Kind of like when we first met,* John mused.

They got upstairs to the flat, and Gary sat on the couch, just as wobbly as he was when he stood, while John found the coffee and started a pot. He waited for it to finish brewing, and took two cups over, handing one to Gary. Gary took it, and dutifully sipped at the hot liquid. “So,” said John, “I’m still waiting for an explanation.”

Gary stared off into space, and as the minutes ticked by, John thought he’d made a huge mistake to come here and confront him. Gary sighed and said, “Okay, fine, but remember I warned you that you wouldn’t believe me.” Gary sat his coffee down, and turned to face John. He looked him straight in the eye and said, “I get tomorrow’s newspaper today.” John would’ve laughed out loud if it hadn’t been for the expression on Gary’s face. It was totally serious. He knew Gary was telling him the truth.

“How is that possible?” He whispered.

“I don’t know. I’ve been getting it for about four years now. Comes every morning with the cat.” Gary gestured to where the feline was curled up, staring at the both of them intently. “At first, I thought it was a gift to get rich quick. Used it at the track. Took the money I’d won, and handed to Marissa, so that she could get her seeing-eye dog, Spike.” John smiled. Gary was even generous when he thought he was being selfish. “Then when I was coming home, a friend of mine had been hurt severely. I looked at the paper, and there was the headline that I hadn’t even bothered to look at describing the entire thing. That’s when it hit me. I was supposed to prevent this stuff from happening. So I started running around saving people, property, and everything in between.” He laughed humorlessly. “Some goddamn savior I am. I was late again, and that poor woman died because of me. Do you know that all she need was to be re-hydrated.”

“How did you know that?” That had been what they’d found out, but there was no way Gary could know that.

“Told you, the paper,” he said holding up a newspaper that he’d pulled from his back pocket. He handed it to John, and there it was, in black and white. A headline and story describing the incidents at County General concerning the shooting. John studied it carefully, noticing that the date was indeed tomorrow’s date. *This is insane,* he thought, but then something that Gary had said registered.

“Again?” He asked. “Gary, you said that you were ’late again’. When was the first time?” When Gary looked up and met his eyes, John didn’t have to have him say anything. He knew. Valentine’s Day last year. *Shit, shit, shit,* was all he could think. That was why he’d been at Lucy’s grave. That was why he’d looked so guilty when he’d look at him sometimes. “Gary, you didn’t have anything to do with that.” John said softly.

“I could’ve stopped it. If I hadn’t been late.” There was a deep breath drawn, and it was clear that Gary was fighting back tears.

“Why were you late? Start with now.” John didn’t think he could start with the then yet. His mind was still reeling with the truth. *Christ, if I find out this is some dream, I’m going to shoot myself,* but it was not dream and he knew it.

“Now,” Gary thought, “okay, I had to stop someone from jumping off a bridge this morning, stop a multi car pile up this afternoon, and then I had to stop a knife fight between a bunch of teenagers. I tried to get there. I really did. I even tried to call, but I couldn’t get through.”

“What would you have said,” John’s head going over all of the ways that Gary could have been hurt today, and yet so grateful that he hadn’t been.

“I don’t know. Something like ’Hey, don’t let any cops leave their guns unguarded while they’re being stitched up.’” Gary groaned. “I really don’t know.”

“Okay, so that was now,” John drew a shaky breath, “what about then?”

Gary stared at the floor in front of him. “There was a child that was going to run away. He would’ve died of exposure that night. I’m so sorry,” and now the tears did come.

John actually laughed. “My, God, Gary, what kind of person do you think I am, that Lucy was? You saved the life of a child. Do you actually think that we’d take his place any day?” John leaned toward Gary, and brought his face up to meet his. “And here I thought I had a lock on the guilt department. I mean I’ve spent all of this time blaming myself because I’d gotten irritated with Lucy, leaving her with that guy in the first place. Listen to me, now.” Fingers wiped away tears, and he leaned closer. “This was not your fault. Now or then. Other people were responsible for these acts. You can’t always control fate, even if you do get a heads up on what’s going to happen. Sometimes bad things happen, and we just have to deal with them. That’s one of the first things they teach you when you become a doctor. You can’t save everyone.” He cupped Gary’s face in his hands and looked him directly in the eyes and repeated, “You can’t save everyone, Gary Hobson. Not even with tomorrow’s newspaper. But you still do your best, and that’s all anyone can ask of you. Now just learn to ask only that of yourself.” He leaned forward and kissed Gary gently on the lips. “I love you,” he whispered.

“I love you, too.” John saw the expression on Gary’s face change as the smile came across his face at being able to say those words out loud. It was all happiness and joy. And John just knew that he had a similar expression on his face at hearing his own emotions echoed. John leaned forward and kissed Gary once more with more passion in this one. He pressed forward leaning Gary back into the cushions of the couch, spreading out on top of him. He could taste the alcohol that Gary had been drinking, the coffee he’d just had, and the salt from the tears. Their kisses were a combination of soft and sweet, and then urgent and needy. Their tongues would memorize each other’s mouths. Then as the need for air would force their mouths apart, they would kiss, nibble, and lick around the neck. It turned out there was a spot just below Gary’s ear, on his neck where the flesh was very sensitive. John spent time giving that spot the attention it deserved, loving the moans and gasps it would get out of the man below him as he would alternate between licking, and then sucking on the soft skin there. He nibbled down along the neck, and back up to Gary’s face, when Gary found that if he suck on John’s earlobe just right, he could get similar responses out of him. He would take the lobe between his teeth, and flick his tongue across it, closing his lips around it to suck gently. Then he’d trace along the outside of his entire ear before swirling his tongue along the inside of John’s ear, slowly moving his tongue in and out, eliciting both a moan and a shudder from the man above him. John’s hands tried to move over him, but he wasn’t exactly in the right kind of position for the next step in this.

“You know I do have a bed,” said Gary breathlessly.

“Are you sure?” John asked, hesitating.

Gary groaned, “You’re asking me this now?! Of course I’m sure. I.....I mean if you want this, too.” He said suddenly not so sure of himself.

John smiled and said, “you’re asking me this now?!” in the same tone of voice that Gary had just used. He just got a grin in response. Gary stood up after maneuvering his way from beneath Carter, and held out his hand. John looked up at his would be lover, and took the offered hand. He stood up wrapping arms around Gary’s waist, kind of shuffling with him, kissing the entire way, until they hit the edge of Gary’s bed. He pushed Gary down onto the bed, yet again spreading out on top of him. He could feel Gary’s body tremble beneath his clothes where his hands moved. Suddenly John was seized with the urgency of getting Gary Hobson naked as soon as possible. They were kissing as John propped himself up above Gary, his hand feeling for the hem of the sweatshirt and tee-shirt that Gary was wearing. Gary raised up enough to get the shirts off, as his own hands began to work the buttons of John’s own shirt. He got it opened, and John settled his full weight back down again, reveling in the feeling of skin on skin. Gary’s skin was so soft. His chest was practically hairless, and smooth. He could see the dusty rose colored nipples, begging to be touched. John couldn’t ignore such begging, so he bent his head to the right one, circling it with his tongue before using his teeth to gently latch on and suck. Gary bucked, and moaned as John continued his assault on his nipples, going from one to the other. He pulled the man back up so that he could meet his lips yet again. In that kiss need and urgency was communicated, and John pulled his shirt all the way off of him, then he reached for the button on Gary’s jeans to find Gary’s hands crossing his to start removing the belt around his khakis. Shoes were toed off, as well as socks, soon to be joined by pants and boxers. They sat there for a minute just looking at the other one, both convinced they’d never seen anything so beautiful in all of their lives. John reached out and traced down Gary’s broad shoulders, down his chest, and was rewarded with a moan as Gary threw his head back, deliciously exposing his neck. John thought that if he was going to do this then he might as well and do it right, and for him, that was to start at the top and work his way down. He leaned back up over Gary kissing him on the lips, then down his neck, running his tongue down the center of Gary’s chest, stopping briefly to revisit his nipples, down the navel where he couldn’t quite resist the fact that Gary was obviously a ticklish one, making him gasp and buck, trying to move either into or away from the touch as though his body couldn’t decide what it wanted more. Down just a bit further, nestled in a field of black curls was Gary’s cock, fully erect. He nuzzled the groin area a bit, licking the inside of Gary’s thighs, making the man spread them wider in response. Then he bathed each of Gary’s balls lightly, stopping to suck each one into his mouth, causing delightful moans and pleas to escape Gary’s mouth. He then ran his tongue up the vein on the underside of Gary’s penis, stopping at the top to swirl his tongue around the before, enveloping it slowly in his mouth, working his way down until his nose was nestled back in the black curls, and Gary was completely down his throat. He swallowed convulsively once, and forced himself to breathe through his nose. It had been a long time since he’d done this with anyone, but he found himself remembering quickly. He began to suck gently, running his tongue around Gary’s shaft. He then began a rhythm of moving up and down, while still exerting the gentle pressure of the sucking, always in contrast to where his tongue was. Gary thrashed on the bed, his fists clutching the blankets on the bed, trying to keep from bucking too much.

“Please, please, please, John, oh, I want to feel you inside of me,” whispered Gary because he couldn’t get an octave louder if he’d tried. Forming the sentence had nearly wiped out any and all brain cells he still had active.

If John had had been touched by anything at the moment that plea had been vocalized, he would’ve cum right then and there. He licked up the shaft once more, and moved his way back up to the bed, to look Gary in the face, “Are you sure?” he asked and received a groan and a glare in response. He almost laughed. “Okay, okay, you’re sure. Um, do you have anything, you know, that we could use?” Okay so he was having a little bit of trouble forming coherent sentences himself.

Gary nodded toward the bathroom and said, “In the medicine chest.”

John went into the bathroom, which walking was no easy task at the moment, and opened the medicine chest. He saw the Vaseline there, and took it out back to the bedroom. Gary was lying spread out on the bed, and John didn’t think he’d ever felt such lust combined with such love for any one person in all of his life. He laid back down next to this man, and kissed him passionately, then turned them into little nipping kisses. He opened the jar he held, and spread out a generous amount onto his fingers. He propped himself back over Gary. Gary lifted his knees a bit to give John better access. John traced his fingers around the tight opening, willing shaking muscles in the man below him to relax. Then, he began to work one finger in, gently moving it in and out. He felt the initial clamp down of muscle on that finger, and could see Gary literally will himself to relax. As the muscles relaxed more, John added the second finger, stretching Gary some more, and he could hear the moans that were sent into his mouth through their kiss, and they reverberated straight down his spine. He knew he had to have this man. His own body told him so. With that he began to work in the third finger, slowly, searching, and when he found that spot inside of Gary, he flicked his fingers out to hit it. Gary nearly bucked them off the bed, “Oh God!” he screamed. “Now, John, please I need you now.” That was all of the invitation that John needed. He grabbed the jar, lavishing a large amount onto his own shaft, and pushing Gary’s legs up, positioned himself at the opening he’d just been preparing. Even with all the preparation, it was still tight, and as he passed the ring of muscle, he stopped to give Gary time to adjust. As he felt the muscles around him relax he moved forward in slow increments that seemed to take forever, but finally he was buried to the hilt in the body below him. They were both shaking with exertion, and sweat dripped from both bodies, creating a slick friction between them. As John settled on top and inside of Gary, he found that the man’s eyes had opened, and then Gary smiled at him. It was love that he saw reflected there, and he smiled back, hoping that his own said the same thing. He began to thrust slowly, and was met by Gary each time. The pumping grew until he was almost pulling completely out, and shoving himself back in. He heard moans, and screams every time he hit Gary’s prostate. Their lips met, their tongues dueled, and their hands traced every part of the body that they could reach. John pulled Gary up until they were both practically in a sitting position with Gary in his lap. They were still thrusting in rhythm with one another. John’s hand reached down between their bodies, and found Gary’s cock, and began to stroke. His hand closed around it and pumped in a quick rhythm, using the pre-cum and sweat to his advantage. Gary threw his head back and moaned. John yet again found that spot below Gary’s ear on his neck, and he sucked on it, hard enough to leave a mark. He felt the shudder pass through the body that he was thrusting into, and then the wet warmth of cum splashed between them, and every muscle that he was buried in contracted around him, and it was enough to send him over the edge. He threw his own head back and screamed, as he filled Gary’s body with his own come.

They lay back down on the bed, bodies cooling, breath returning to normal. John lay down next to Gary, kissing his forehead as he pulled him into his arms. They may be stuck together in the morning, but he didn’t feel like getting up anymore than Gary apparently did. “Love you,” he mumbled.

“I love you, too,” said Gary as he draped an arm across John’s chest his head resting on the pillow next to him.

John walked into County the next day so light that he thought that he might just spring up and take off right into the air. Abby looked at him, pulling him aside and said, “Looks like somebody got some last night.”

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” said John with a sly smile.

As he walked away Abby thought to herself *Well, now that you mention it.*


End file.
